Anti-Social? well maybe just guilt sticken

Ok I'll give a quick description of my self. I'm 19, I go to a prestigious college, I dress with the t-shirts of bands and skateboard companys and occationally some hemp. I smile when spoken to and I usually have things to say. I hang out with mostly the guy friends I made my first year and we always chat it up with girls that we know or are getting to know. But of course we aren't really that social. All we do most of the tie is play videogames and study. I personally don't shave much because it is a pain and I'm not too into fasion. I have had a girlfriend that is qite jealous and controlling but overall she is a good person. We have gotten to that point in the relationship where I don't really know where this relationship is going anymore or where i want it to go. She thinks we are going to get married and this and that. I could see that happening but i'm not really enthusiastic about it or like "no way" to it either. I could see myself with her for the rest of mylife but after two years with this girl, i have reached a point in my life where i don't care about anything anymore. There is nothing that drives me and I feel very empty inside. Hopefully this is a phase and i'm just riding my usual emotional roller coaster. Anyways hopefully some of this will make sense eventually after i get it all down in these journals.

So as for the anti-social. Well as for that well i used to be very outgoing and i loved doing things that involved me meeting new people and I made so many friends in the beginning of my first semester. But I ended up meeting this girl and being a little too friendly which only resulted in such an immense amount of drama that i had enough of the social life for a year just from one semester. Basically i told my girl friend what happened and that i wasn't happy with her anymore and that i wanted to see someone else. I had been feeling this way for awhile but instead i decided to hold these feelings in until it resulted in me meeting this girl. I ended up dating her for the first semester until i returned home for thanksgiving and hooked back up with my ex-girlfriend. So i broke up with the girl at school and went back out with my ex. That is basically the story.

Since then i have felt this guilt for what had happened. I hurt two girls that didn't deserve any of the pain i inflicted upon them. I feel like i Don't deserve to be with anyone. I feel like i should just start over. But for some reason i feel as if i should not talk to any girls or flirt or anything of the like because it reminds me of what i did.

My roommate asked me to go with him to this party down the hall and i wanted to really bad but i didn't. Why didn't I you ask? Well for that short time last year that i was single inbetween my present girlfriend and my ex i hooked up with the girl that was having that party and we haven't spoken since. So I didn't really feel like it would be good for me to go. But the thing is the old me would have atleast shown his face and smiled and said hi to everyone. But now i'm just afraid. What am i Afraid of?